Holy shit I miss all you! I know there were never very many to begin with but god its been over a year! Knowing that i CAN pour my heart out is sooo ... empowering? maybe, but either way i just need a way to get all my true self out there not this .... this fat girl that everyone around me knows. Idk where i went wrong. The selfdoubt and terrible self confidence just eats away at me and I eat to feel better. Why? ugh. I just have to tell myself that i can get rid of both the doubt and bad image of myself once I'm perfect. sigh.
I had a complete meltdown I admit. And I'm trying to do better. Telling myself I'll do better. I can be better. but i never pull through. Why don't i have the control? It's less then a month till college and i need this boost in confidence. I want to be the girl boys like and the girls wanna be. I don't want to end up with someone like M again... oh god and the fact that i did end up with him just proves to me that i need to be better.
It was around New Years. and my friend, had a terrible idea of setting me up about the same time that 2 boys from school asked me out. And it excited me and terrified me all at once. So one date i gradually let down as in continuing to put it off. and then i met this boy that my friend set me up with and he was so unattractive and creepy that i made an excuse to get out of there. then the last date, M, came along and he wanted to take me to a movie. and low and behold he didn't really want to watch the movie at all he just wanted to make out and feel me up!!! so that's how my first kiss went which was horrible and he had no idea, but when i felt his had sliding from my hip, up my stomach and across my ribs I drew the line. grabbing his hand in a death grip the rest of the moive without even realizing it just so he wouldn't try it again. at one point during the movie he literally had to stretch his hand out because it was going on and i was too scared he was going to try something in the car afterwards that i couldn't even come up with something witty to deter the awkwardness like "guess i dont know my own strength". lol.
So that was my first date and my last date since. And girls i need help! How do i stay on track with my diet in college? any ideas? and advice for dealing with boys wouldn't be too bad either!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU ALL
Hope you're doing better then me
Stay Skinny!!!
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